Broken
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: Companion to Tinuviel's Breakdown: Like the Kalden glass, time had slowed down, I felt like I was falling but I was standing up. I knew I had to leave, had to go away before I fell apart completely.


Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: This is a sequal to my sister's one shot Breakdown, both stories are sort of prieviews of what's to come during a fic we are writing called Living Without You. We both thought these chapters were better on their own. This shows what the Teyla/Ronon stuff will be in the fic.

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Broken

_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
And I don't feel right when you're gone away _

_Evanescense: Broken  
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Broken.

Like the Kalden glass my father had brought home when I was young. I remember when I knocked it off its resting place, it was as if time slowed down as I watched it fall and then shatter into millions of little pieces. I had to clean up the glass so no one would get hurt but it would never be the same again, I could never fix it.

That was how I felt that day.

Before that everything was perfect. Ronon and I grew more in love every day, hour, minute that we spent together and there was every indication that things would stay that way.

He was contacted by Solen and he left to go see him. He was late; I came to the Gateroom when I heard that someone had returned only to be greeted by the grim faces of Major Lorne's team.

When I asked where Ronon was they all exchanged wary glances until Major Lorne finally spoke up.

"Murdered."

The word filled the room like a disease, I could hear everyone still talking but it was like a load roar in my ears, but I could only hear one thought, Ronon was dead.

Like the Kalden glass, time had slowed down, I felt like I was falling but I was standing up. I knew I had to leave, had to go away before I fell apart completely.

Everything was a blur as I began to walk away, I could hear people calling out to me but none of it seemed to matter. Each step was a struggle as I continued to fall. I tried to reach out and save myself before I shattered but I couldn't seem to reach.

I tried to walk up the steps out of the Gateroom but I took a missteps and I was falling literally as well. And once I hit the floor I shattered, or more importantly, my life did.

Sobs burst out of me as tears fell like rain from my eyes. I kneeled there on the floor letting out the anguish that assailed me. People all around me, Rodney, Lorne, Elizabeth all tried to console me, bring me to my feet, but I couldn't. I didn't see them, I only saw the pieces of my happiness, my life, scattered into a million pieces and I could never fix it.

Broken.

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The days afterward meant nothing to me, days weeks, months past but I doubt I'll ever remember them. They were all a blur of nothing but sadness.

I was shaken back into reality when Dr. Weir collapsed. I blame myself for never seeing the pain she felt after John's death, but then again neither did anyone else. I began to become her friend again instead of just the shell of a human I had been for so long. I believe that she is getting better and perhaps moving forward.

I can't seem to though.

Which is why I'm lying in my room in the dark waiting for sleep but sleep is busy else where. At night everything seems real again. I miss Ronon lying beside me, his strong arms wrapped around me and the reassurance her gave me just by being there.

I've told Elizabeth all of this, she tells me she has had to same problem but just sharing it makes it easier. I've told her everything but one thing that I can't seem to face.

I'm pregnant.

I haven't been ignorant over the changes in my body and the fact that I'm going to have a child was concluded by me long ago. But it doesn't seem real to me, I can't seem to face this and I certainly don't want to alone. Tears sprang into my eyes as I thought about all of this.

I began to pray to the Ancestors, something I hadn't done in a long time.

"I'm sorry for what I have done and what I cannot seem to escape. Ronon is gone and with his death my life died as well. I don't know how to continue on. Please show me the way."

I rested my hand on my stomach as I spoke those words and when I finished something extraordinary happened.

The baby kicked.

It was like a veil had been lifted from my eyes and suddenly I knew. I couldn't run from my destiny or my responsibilities. Ronon hadn't died because his child lived.

In me.

I was going to have a baby, his baby. His and mine, something we created that would live, the last piece of him that I could hold on to. His child.

I was gathering the pieces of my shattered life, I knew I could never fix it but perhaps I could turn it into something new.

Only won thing would ever let me rebuild it completely.

Revenge.

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A/N: So what did you think, be on the look out for Living Without You.


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